What makes me a man: my penis? The look of women? That of my children? But who am I when I have breakdowns, when my companion leaves me and my family breaks out?Philippe Romon
Being a man is difficult. Which does not mean that being a woman is necessarily easier, but the question here, for starters, is "a man, what is it?" Well, it's difficult. Take Blaise, a 43-year-old divorce pending at one of the psychology forums. com, he writes: "My wife did not forgive me for having made her a child, and in recent years I have had only one solitary sexuality, which is destabilizing and frustrating. I met someone and it went rather badly: the total breakdown, I can tell myself that the circumstances were not there, that it was not the right person ... We can not help but think we're a big draw, it's hard. " A big draw. His testimony evokes other situations ... For example, that of Paul, 47, who tells later in this special issue (p.48) how he chose to respond to his distress by resorting to call-ups. girls. Or that of Tom, the father adrift of David Vann's dazzling novel, Sukkwan Island , which tells his son: "Man is only the appendage of women. women are self-satisfied and do not need men, but men, yes, need them, so they have all the power, who decide what to do and how. And who change their minds all the time, we have nothing to say in all that. " I could add mine. Recently divorced, I witnessed the removal of my children and their mother with the disarray of the general in front of his routed army, the farmer after the hail, the sea navigator without compass or rudder. And this is not the first time that I experience it, the rupture triggers an earthquake as insinuates the doubt: am I only still a man?
Being a man is the dick
But what is it, being a man? "The masculine identity is the dick!" Exclaims Dr. Ronald Virag with the certainty of his job. Virag is a well-known French andrologist, especially for his participation in the research that gave birth to the small anagram blue diamond of his name, Viagra. Today, he focuses more on penile implants, which he practices to address serious erectile problems - or increase the size of the limbs deemed inadequate. In thirty years, he has followed no less than fifteen thousand patients. Abundantly decorated with phallic sculptures, large and small, in ivory or ebony, his cabinet is akin to a museum of male eroticism."This one comes from Benin: when the boy becomes pubescent it is planted in front of his hut to call fertility, go ahead, touch it, do not be afraid!" For Virag, then, the penis is the man, and vice versa. "I get patients on the brink of suicide because they made fun of them in the locker room or because of the careless commentary of a man. woman in bed ". The following is a sketch of a typical surgical procedure: "We undress the penis, we split the albugine in the direction of the length and we fix a venous patch taken from the thigh". Then we fix everything. I shudder. In his hands the sex of the patient will have gained in circumference. "Better to have it big than long," says the surgeon. He tells me the case of a young man of 22 years, came to consult "with his mother". The boy was depressed, he operated on him. "Everything is not solved for him, but the guy is happy." Really?
To be a man, it is to give up
This question of what "makes" the man, Belinda Cannone explores it in hollow in the short essay which she dedicates to the "nature" of the women, The Temptation of Penelope. "Biology confirms what Simone de Beauvoir said, that in terms of behavior we are not born a woman, we become a woman, if we become a woman, it means that the human is a social animal and that femininity is, like masculinity, a social construct, especially because it is necessary to speak also of the psyche and the unconscious. " When I see my sons fighting, they do not do it the way girls do. However, at 7 and 9 years old they wear long hair (too much: reason for the divorce!) And I could not find anything wrong when the elder asked for a toy vacuum cleaner for Christmas (except that the thing does not interest him already more and it accumulates dust ...). Seriously - but all of this is very serious, there are some guys who go for it - when the beautiful Belinda writes, in Libé : "A woman can enjoy simply in contact with the beloved body, without caress neither gestures ", I answer: yes, a man too, but it's called premature ejaculation. Some guys who are guns, Pavese is one of them. He wrote The Profession of Living , he could have called it "the job of being a man".
I have a friend, his barometer is simple: when his wife "agrees" to make love (or invites him, it happens), he is in a good mood. When she refuses (most of the time) , he is sad, moody, resigned. For a little it would envy my fate, that of the divorced man. Free. But freedom, my dear friend, is paid for. Where is it built? And for that, it's on the side of psychoanalysts that I lead you. And more specifically with Jean-Pierre Winter. "Stuck between anatomy and social discourse, no one knows how to do it, no more women than men, it reopens, the question of identity, at each meeting ".For the psychoanalyst, the man is built by renouncing:
1) to his first love, his mother, by spooky spells (inflicted by the father).
2) To the sex he does not have. A man is not a woman. It's not nothing to say. I could see that too much to play mothering fathers, the women I was trying to seduce were running away. To be too father-chicken, we lose the superb cock.
3) To infinity of life. Women wear and give life, not us. So we have to find something else ...