I delight in my suffering

"Demolition company": that's what my ex called me He must be right I'm in a new relationship, with a lovely man, patient, tender, loving, respectful ... What makes me want to destroy everything? To prove to him by A + B that he is wrong to love me and that he should go elsewhere? At first, I was tender with him and our relationship was beautiful full of vitality and joy Today, after only seven months, she looks like a relationship of a disillusioned old couple, solely because of me, because he has remained equal to himself.

What is wrong with me? I have problems, family and others, and he only asks to share them.But I fold in my cocoon of suffering, leaving him at the door, disconcerted and frusher. I cultivate my evil being like a dirty poisonous plant whose perverse beauty fascinates me. I can not muzzle this other me, destructive, whiner, grumpy and dark that pulls me to the bottom. I let myself run with a perverse pleasure and I try insidiously to make it flow with me or so force him to abdicate to prove to me that I was right to believe that we can not love myself and be able to again to wallow in this misfortune that I drag to my basques since I was born.

We must believe that knowing nothing else, it is in this world of frustration and sorrow that I am most at ease. I hate myself, I despise myself, I find myself unworthy of his love. I really should see a shrink.


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