Why people are they talking to me like this?

Why people are they talking to me like this?

As far as I can remember, I have always been shy and introverted; it bothers me to express myself. But what shocks me most is the way people come to me. It's hard for me to escape sometimes infantilizing remarks such as "Do not be shy, we're not going to eat you," or "Do not be like that" or "Talk harder!". I was even entitled to this "When we are shy, we can not really enjoy life." These little sentences make me suffer a lot, because I hear them all the time, and because I I have the feeling that I am guilty of something I am not responsible for, I am perfectly aware of the barrier created by my shyness, I am the first to suffer the consequences. no longer having this problem and I am making efforts to fix it, but I am tired that it goes unnoticed, tired of having to listen to advice from people who have never put myself in my place and who condescendingly judge me How to make others understand that what they tell me not only hurts me, but does not improve my condition? Marion, 22

Christophe André

Psychiatrist and psychotherapist

answers

By telling them, Marion! Nicely, but clearly.

Shyness is a form of hypersensitivity (in the eyes of others or in social judgment). But the problem is not this hypersensitivity (which is a wealth, even if it sometimes annoys) but the inhibition that can result. That's why progress in shyness does not consist in fighting against one's sensibility but against its inhibition. The goal is not to become more "hard", but to remain tender while becoming more assertive. To become a sensitive person who gives his opinion instead of being silent, who expresses himself instead of undergoing.

For that, indeed, one does not need pity or lessons from the "non-shy": just listening and respect. What sometimes needs to be reminded to some interlocutors. What is also important is that you raise your level of tolerance to these counsels or remarks: most of them are clumsiness rather than contempt; and some even come from a desire to help you.

In a nutshell: stay sensitive, but say it! Many timid celebrities have found their way, as you will find yours, since apparently you have already started the process of change. You can find exercises and tips in different books, such as Dare, or Shyness.

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