Why this anger against my therapist?

Why this anger against my therapist?

I've been seeing a therapist for a year (I lost my son when he was twelve). My therapist is calm and caring. However, when the sessions are over, I blame him! I wish he had pain like me. The therapy reveals me mean and unfair. How should I control my thoughts and reason prevail? Jeanne, 49

Christophe Fauré

Psychiatrist and psychotherapist


Being in psychotherapy is giving yourself a time and a privileged space where you can find the opportunity to express what it is difficult or impossible to state elsewhere. Do not be afraid: your psychiatrist normally has the necessary training to receive, understand and explore with you the rancor or resentment you feel towards him.

In fact, very often, what one feels for one's therapist is only a reflection of what is happening in oneself. He himself is only the support of our own projections and he can help us to "decode" them. Thus, it is essential that you explicitly express your anger or discomfort; you do not know what you will find behind this emotion, once you have welcomed and exceeded it ... She may have a lot to teach you.

Also, do not think that your therapy reveals you "nasty and unfair". It only reveals the very nature of the grieving process in which you are engaged and who is doing violence to you. Anger is an integral part of the path of mourning, especially after the death of a child. It is normal and healthy that it manifests itself today during your work, even if it takes a roundabout form. It is also normal to blame others for not having as much pain as oneself: they are well, while our life is plunged into chaos ...

So, do not try to stifle this feeling in you, so that "reason prevails". On the contrary! This is good because you agree to make room for it in your therapy - by naming it clearly - that you will progress in your grieving work.


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