What kind of difficulty, for example?
A long time ago, I worked around a post office, where relationships had become hellish. The inhabitants complained of the racism of the turnkeys. Factors were unable to complete their tours without being robbed. It was necessary to find together how to manage to operate a service in a way that benefits everyone. In Rwanda, I accompanied the processes of reconciliation in the villages, on the return of the genocidaires released from prison, who would have to live and work with the survivors.
What do you say to start the work? Do you start by asking rules of expression: speak on your behalf, avoid aggression?
Especially not! I do not ask them to be responsible, or to go beyond their prejudices, nor to refrain from any judgment, because to ask them something is to devalue them. It's telling them, "What you are is not good." I create the framework that will allow them to talk to each other and go after what they have to say to each other. People only aspire to speak true. If I say to a young person: "Come, you'll be able to spit everything you have to say to the policeman who will be there, you have the guarantee that he will have to listen to you until the end and that the others will hear everything. that you endure ", there, he is motivated. I do the same for the police. In doing so, I am sincere and they feel it. The usual rules of expression are confined to superficial work. But it is fundamental that people who leave the group can live together afterwards, having discovered who the other really is and how they work themselves. Instead of inviting them to channel their hostile hostility, I use it instead to push them to say all the reasons why they are not happy to be there. This is what allows to progressively explore their fears, their needs, then to go through the victim phase before entering into the empowerment and the collective intelligence ...
You evoke the posture of the "wounded healer" as a condition of therapeutic process.
The alliance with the group is only possible if the participants trust me, if they feel that I am there for them, that I do not feel superior to them. When I work with violent people, I know that I have been myself and that I could be so again if I were placed in the same circumstances. Jung explained that the doctor who knew he was sick awoke the patient's internal doctor. Whoever did not know it, on the contrary, put it in a situation of submission and dependence.Each new group tells me about my wounds and gives me the opportunity to heal them. If I want to create conditions so that they feel accepted and can express themselves freely, I must strive, at the beginning of the work, to love all the participants. I do not just have to want it, I really have to do it, because my project is to make sure that everyone can make the same journey to others, so that we can work together to resolve their difficulties. But initially, there are always one or more that I find less sympathetic. My fear of being judged, devalued, assaulted or rejected is waking up. If I do not work that, then I fall back into my violence, which is to abandon the one who hurt me. At that moment, I turn away, the other no longer exists.